I know I should be sleeping or getting ready to sleep. I have an early doctor's appointment. I think I rescheduled that appointment three times. I am so sick of doctors appointments and sitting in that little room, only to tell the nurse and then the doctor my symptoms or what hurts this time. Then have the doctor search for a solution to what could possibly be causing my symptoms, again and again. This happens at least once a month. And if he can't find an answer, maybe a specialist can or the problem will just disappear. I have too many issues for being in my twenties; I have knee and ankle problems, carpal tunnel, allergies, and who-knows-what else. I just feel like my life is scheduled around appointments.
Besides that, I am taking 18 credit hours in college in my fourth year, but am only a junior. Two years of my college career was spent trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do and transferring schools. Between English classes and Communication & Rhetoric classes, my school schedule is pretty full. There are so many days that I contemplate just dropping out of school. Most of the classes aren't relevant to what I want to do with my major (be an author), so I keep asking myself, "what's the point?" Why stay in school and be miserable in my studies when I just want to write?
But that leads me to my next thought. If I don't stay in school, then my parents aren't going to help me out and support me. I then have to find a way to completely pay for everything. My apartment, car, utilities, medical bills, etc. I don't have that option. I already have a hard enough time finding a part time position that gives me the ability to deal with school, medical issues, and have time for myself.
How is a college student supposed to find time for herself when she barely has time for anything? Between going to classes, my work-study job, homework, sleeping, and eating, I barely have time to hang out with friends or just do something fun by myself.
The last time I saw my boyfriend was the weekend before school started and our relationship has been on the rocks for the past two weeks. I don't even know if I'm in a relationship anymore. He won't talk to me or give me a clear answer. I've slowly given up on trying on holding the relationship together and am at the point of saying "I can't handle this anymore. I'm sorry. Goodbye." But how does one do that? My first relationship and it's ending horribly. He just told me via Snapchat that he doesn't have my number anymore because "he was deleting people" from his contacts. I was one of those people apparently. I have told him multiple times to just let me know if we are truly over and I'll leave him alone. The amount of days that I have spent crying over this relationship, probably could end. If I just end the relationship totally. I feel like he is just dragging me along by my heartstrings. I think tonight might be the night that my relationship is ending. I think in one way, I want it to, but in another I don't. I don't think I can handle it, but I also can't handle how I'm being treated. But that's life and relationships, right?
Well, that's all my late night rambles. I think I got everything out.
Besides that, I am taking 18 credit hours in college in my fourth year, but am only a junior. Two years of my college career was spent trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do and transferring schools. Between English classes and Communication & Rhetoric classes, my school schedule is pretty full. There are so many days that I contemplate just dropping out of school. Most of the classes aren't relevant to what I want to do with my major (be an author), so I keep asking myself, "what's the point?" Why stay in school and be miserable in my studies when I just want to write?
But that leads me to my next thought. If I don't stay in school, then my parents aren't going to help me out and support me. I then have to find a way to completely pay for everything. My apartment, car, utilities, medical bills, etc. I don't have that option. I already have a hard enough time finding a part time position that gives me the ability to deal with school, medical issues, and have time for myself.
How is a college student supposed to find time for herself when she barely has time for anything? Between going to classes, my work-study job, homework, sleeping, and eating, I barely have time to hang out with friends or just do something fun by myself.
The last time I saw my boyfriend was the weekend before school started and our relationship has been on the rocks for the past two weeks. I don't even know if I'm in a relationship anymore. He won't talk to me or give me a clear answer. I've slowly given up on trying on holding the relationship together and am at the point of saying "I can't handle this anymore. I'm sorry. Goodbye." But how does one do that? My first relationship and it's ending horribly. He just told me via Snapchat that he doesn't have my number anymore because "he was deleting people" from his contacts. I was one of those people apparently. I have told him multiple times to just let me know if we are truly over and I'll leave him alone. The amount of days that I have spent crying over this relationship, probably could end. If I just end the relationship totally. I feel like he is just dragging me along by my heartstrings. I think tonight might be the night that my relationship is ending. I think in one way, I want it to, but in another I don't. I don't think I can handle it, but I also can't handle how I'm being treated. But that's life and relationships, right?
Well, that's all my late night rambles. I think I got everything out.
Comments
Post a Comment